io9 had a neat little game up on the front page yesterday: some cod-psychology about what your favourite Alien film says about you. Whatever my misgivings about the untouchable mentality they have over there, I have io9 and a bunch of other aggregators' RSS feeds ticking away at the top of my browser window, and if I haven't waxed verbose over my undying love for (most of) the franchise on the blog before, well... let's take it as said, shall we?
To make a needless long story moderately less long, when I saw this particular article pop up before bedtime last night, I couldn't not click it. And would you credit it, I came away baffled at the accuracy - at least in my case - of this simple little meme. I'd recommend you head on over to io9 now and see how your favourite Alien film reflects your outlook on life.
As for me?
Well, I have no shame admitting it - I've seen the error of my ways since, after all - but coming up, far and away my pick of the four core movies was Alien 3. That means, and I quote:
"You believe in the cult of nothingness. Just like there is no escape from the Xenomorphs for the prisoner monks, there is no escape for you either. The world is a bleak place. Love, family, hope, it's all just waiting to be thrown into the fire. What is the use in taming the love from a feral child or rescuing potential mate Hicks, when life will just murder them while you sleep? You are not a glass-is-half-empty kind of person. You are a half-a-Lance-Henriksen kind of person. Sure, every once in a while there's time for a bald-headed romp with another doomed inmate (inmate of life, that is) but not even a wise, bespectacled black Jesus can save you. In the end, we're all just meat for the festering monster asleep in our guts."
I've had reason to reconsider my taste in Alien films in the aeons since attaching myself to David Fincher's unfortunately botched debut like a barnacle to a naked sailor. Every so often I'll pop the ol' Quadrilogy into the DVD player and let rip, and these days, I'm an Alien man all the way - that is to say, a devotee of the one and the only, the original Alien, which I think the best by at least a light year.
And that says what, exactly, about The Speculative Scotsman?
"If the you're a fan of the first Alien, you respond to the cold, dark world of the unknown. It drives you like the Nostromo, plowing through the big black of space. You like your horror Paxton-free, there's no time for humor when people are dying. You also may have a few trust issues, as you should. Is this just a regular dinner, or will this meal end with one of your mates strewn across the table? Thankfully this also makes you a bit of a survivor. When the end-of-the-world is nigh, you're the best equipped to make the big decisions. Who's going up in the air-shaft to find out what's making all that racket? Not you. A cat lover, you have a calm that propels every decision, even in the face of unthinkable madness."
Well I'll be...
Damn and blast it - it's all true! Right down to the cat thing, and the subsequent unthinkable madness. I didn't realise I made for quite such easy reading.
But off with you all to Meredith Woerner's article, to see which Alien archetype you are. And please, do feel free to share your results - perhaps with a word or two as to their accuracy (or not) - either in the comments, or else on your own blog. I mean, if you can think of a better way to get to know people on the internet, you're either a filthy fibber, or a far smarter human than I.